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I soon learned in my studies that this was a typical pattern for someone with poor boundaries. Especially as women, we are subtly encouraged to develop a habit of saying yes as we strive to be generous friends, wives, mothers, sisters, and daughters while achieving our career goals. At this rate, we are headed for a busy life of burnout, exhaustion, and resentment from saying yes too often when we would rather say no.

Since then, I have been intentional about having boundaries in my life and am learning to say no.

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  8. Henry Cloud and Dr. Here are the tips I used and advise my clients to follow when learning to set boundaries. We have been taught to equate self-care with selfishness. Not only is setting boundaries and saying no at times not mean, rude, or selfish—it is necessary. Maintaining boundaries allows us to take care of ourselves so that we can actually be more generous with others.

    Just as airlines instruct parents to put their oxygen mask on first before assisting others in the case of an emergency, we have to make sure our metaphorical oxygen is flowing so that we can help others—especially under stress. When we make time for what we need our sleep, our nutrition, the relationships and activities that fuel us and say no to what drains us an overpacked schedule, people-pleasing, overextending ourselves , it allows us more mental, physical, and emotional energy for the yeses we do give.

    The Art of Saying "No" with Grace and Respect by Charlene Richard

    As counterintuitive as it may sound, boundaries are exactly what allow us to give of ourselves freely and compassionately, rather than reluctantly and resentfully. In Rising Strong , Dr. They say no when they need to, and when they say yes, they mean it. Implementing boundaries can be especially confusing with close friends and family. It is helpful to remember that boundaries are actually meant to foster a healthy connection, not to lead to relational disconnect or cut-off. Boundaries communicate safety—they figuratively demarcate where I end and you begin.

    Thus, boundaries allow us to make clear what is our responsibility and what is not.

    Much emotional turmoil and distress comes from taking on what is not ours, or letting others take responsibility for what is actually ours. Boundaries within a relationship actually serve to protect and enhance that very relationship. Hear me out.

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    Say a friend suffers a break-up or a devastating death in the family. Of course you are there for her, listening to her, providing a shoulder to cry on, or even making her treats or a meal. All of this is kind, generous, and still within healthy boundaries. But a healthy boundary is crossed when this becomes the norm in the relationship—one person always giving more or doing more for the other. When we come to the rescue, time and again—although our intentions are good!

    How to Say "No" in a Relationship

    As painful as it is to witness others go through hardships, we cannot fight their battles for them—we can only be their cheerleader. Having healthy boundaries involves realizing when others have the resources to care for themselves. Setting boundaries and saying no is difficult because sometimes that means disappointing others.

    For a people-pleaser like me, getting comfortable with the disappointment of others was the most difficult part of learning to say no.

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    Share the Love! Much love, Charlene oxox. Download: epub mobi Kindle pdf more Online Reader rtf lrf pdb txt. Price: Free! Add to Library. Create Widget. About Charlene Richard. Jack Meyers reviewed on on May 9, This book was just like her talking to me as a counselor would, as if I were in the same room with her.

    The Most Generous Women Say 'No' Sometimes

    It made it more personal. That was very helpful.

    The Art of Saying No

    Also, the strategy for me to stop and examine the 'no' situations before I deal with them, helped put my fears in better perspective. It's not easy for guys to admit they have a hard time saying no, so having this 'tool' book that I can work at in my privacy is exactly what I needed. Thanks Charlene : review of free book. Report this book.